Merry Merry Merry Frickin' Christmas
by Maejirase
Summary: For the Naruto Gang, Christmas this year is going to be one of the most intersting of all... And the Akatsuki group goes to hell... Crack Pairings... A very late Chirstmas lyrical story...


**Disclaimer**: I do not own 'Naruto' or the song "Merry Merry Merry Frickin' Christmas". 'Naruto' belongs to Kishimoto Masashi, and the song belongs to Frickin' A.

**Merry Merry Merry Frickin' Christmas**

**Schools out, Christmas break  
Home for the holiday's meatloaf and fruitcake  
**

The bell rang through the halls and not even a few seconds later, the doors were thrown open and students upon students poured out of the classrooms and running out of the main school doors to start their Christmas break. It was time for friends and family to gather for the holidays, and a certain group of friends, Naruto and his girlfriend Hinata, Sasuke, Sakura, Kiba, Shino, Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru just to name a few, were heading out together to spend Christmas together, which included one of their supervisors, Kakashi Hatake, making arrangements for transportation and food, which consisted of meatloaf, fruitcake, cookies, ramen, barbeque ribs, and other varieties of food.

**Off to grandmas, it's so boring  
Screaming kids and grandpa's snoring  
**

Once the gang was at Granny Tsunade's house, everyone ran out of the vehicles and headed for the snow hills, leaving the adults the job of bringing in the luggage and presents, except for Jiraiya, who was snoring loudly in the Lay-Z-Boy chair by the fire. The gang met up with Sai, Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, Neji, Tenten, and Lee at the top of the snow hill with huge snow forts ready for the snow ball fights to come. With one energetic yell from Naruto and Lee, the ultimate snow ball fight showdown began.

**  
My aunt Margaret's lost her mind  
She's trippin' on a train set, have another box of wine  
**

The time soon came to eat supper and Kakashi had been the lucky chosen one to go into the warzone to tell the unruly teens. He came back almost unscathed except for the few snows Naruto, Kiba, and Kankuro threw at him before he threatened to return the snowballs ten fold. When the teens finished eating they decided to lay low and chill by the fireplace and talk about what's happened since the last time they saw each other. But it was soon disrupted by Anko, who had too much wine to drink and tripped over the elaborate train set that Naruto had put together throughout the room. Kakashi came up next to her and joked about having to drink the rest of the wine by himself. She laughed harshly then ran after him into the bedroom.

**It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas  
I must be on Santa clauses shitlist  
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss  
Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives  
Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas  
**

Christmas was the best… Okay maybe not the best but it was still a pretty damn good one. As long as you didn't count the fact that Shino threw a knife at Kiba for touching his bug collection and Kankuro beating up poor Naruto, who was playing with his puppet and accidentally broke it. Needless to say Kankuro and Shino got what was coming to them, when Kakashi threw them into the snow banks and kept them outside for about a half hour without a jacket.

Other than that, the Christmas tree was decorated lovely by Hinata, Ino, Sakura, Temari, Kurenai, and Tenten. The presents were large and many. They were hiding under, in, and around the tree; creating a protective fort for the tree. Everyone got what they wanted and also got what they didn't want.

The mistletoe hung above the fireplace in the library. A certain blonde four pony-tailed girl found herself gently kissing a certain pineapple hair-styled boy, who thought all girls were annoying and troublesome except for her.

Sasuke prayed for a gun for Christmas in high hopes for either: a) kill Sakura with it, b) kill himself with it, or c) kill Sakura and his good-for-nothing-bastard of a brother, Itachi. Sadly though, Sasuke had looked through all his gifts already and found no gun or anything close to a weapon for that matter. He was going to have to continue to plot against Sakura and his brother for another year.

**Uncle Richard he's a weirdo  
Passing out pictures of himself in a Speedo  
**

Just when things were getting good, Gai had to of start showing off his ridiculous toned body and spandex outfit. And if that wasn't bad enough, he gave everyone a photo of himself by the beach in a green Speedo swimsuit. Nether less, everyone was mentally disturbed and swore to burn the pictures as soon as they got home. Except for one person, Lee, who adored Gai probably because Gai was a father figure to him and took him in when his parents died in a car collision. So, Lee found Gai's picture to be one the best and vowed to put it in his scrapbook of his adoptive father.

**My cousin Ashley, her singing really sucks  
Blames it on her drummer and acid reflux  
**

There is always a party crasher whenever everyone got together, and this holiday was no exception. Ino was trying to sing some carols but no one wanted to listen to her singing. It really sucked beyond all possible belief and ability. Everyone told her over and over to shut up but her excuse was that they didn't know good music. Her other excuses were she had a sore throat, her choir teacher didn't know how to teach, her acid reflux (though it was more of her being a bulimic more than anything else really) was ruining her esophagus, or blamed it on her drummer in her band, Sai, for making out with her so roughly and vigorously.

**My brother's wife is really hot  
She pulled me in the bathroom; I hope we don't get caught  
**

Sasuke was watching Hinata lustful. He had a thing for her for the longest time, but she was his best friend's, Naruto's, girlfriend so he knew she was off limits. But when he was returning from his room and went past the bathroom. The most unexpected thing happen making his dreams a reality. The bathroom door swung open revealing Hinata, who caught his arm and pulled him into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door in the process, to ensure some privacy. She then began to kiss him softly on his throat and lips, but her teasing would not satisfy. He kissed her back roughly and dominantly. He pushed her against the wall and forced her legs around his waist. Hinata made no effort to stop him. She just proceeded to kiss back and draped her arms around Sasuke's neck. They continued to make out in the bathroom for the entire night. Secretly hoping no one caught them in the act.

**It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas  
I must be on Santa clauses shitlist  
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss  
Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives**  
**Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas**

Christmas was going good. Keyword is 'was going good' though. It was going great until a few things happened. Naruto got in trouble, again, while he was trying to prank Neji. To make the story short, Naruto should've never given Neji a visual impaired collapsible cane as early Christmas gift. Neji kicked his arse so badly Naruto was left on the ground with two black eyes, a dislocated arm and a few missing teeth and a sore arse.

The tree was still standing up in the living room. Nothing bad had happened to it… Yet. It was leaning slightly to the left, though, since during the Neji vs. Naruto fight, Naruto was thrown towards the tree, but he saved himself and the tree.

Once again, two lovers were under the mistletoe kissing passionately. Who would've thought that Ino and Kankuro actually had something going on? No one would've heard about had it not been for Gaara reading in a corner deep behind the library cases in the library, where the mistletoe hung above the crackling fireplace within its chamber.

Sai had grown weary of Sakura and her constant lust. He was planning on how to dispose of her body without anyone knowing. He had studied always of poisoning her, assassinating her, and other methods to kill her but the one thing that kept him from actually killing her was the fact she was never alone by herself long enough for him to do the deed. He hated her and plotted against her. Why? Because she basically raped him on a daily basis. (It wasn't the rape rape one… It was the rape one where she kissed him against his own will and then make up lies and rumors that they were together and going at it with each other.) Yeah, he really wanted her dead. But it was coming this Christmas… Such a merry frickin' Christmas… that he was going to have to live through with her torments for another year more.

**We haven't even opened our presents yet but now it's time to start  
So I'll fake a smile 'cause its going back to Wal-Mart  
**

The time came for the opening of presents. Everyone gathered around the tree and Asuma and Kurenai took the liberty of passing out all the gifts. Everyone got at least seven gifts, but there were two that everyone got that they didn't want and knew exactly who got them it and where it had come from. It was two repetitive items that everyone got, white socks and a white t-shirt from Jiraiya, who was too lazy to really put any thought into the Christmas shopping. So, he bought the same gifts year after year and from the same store, Wal-Mart, year after year. Which in turn made everyone, year after year, return the items, or gifts if you can call them that, to Wal-Mart.

**It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas  
I must be on Santa clauses shitlist  
The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss  
Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives  
Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas**

Okay, fine Christmas was okay aside from the few minor things everything else turned out to be slightly good. Yet again Naruto got in trouble, this time it was for taking Kiba's dog, Akamaru. He got a few more bruises from Kiba then he actually needed for the whole Christmas vacation and knocked down the Christmas tree, which also got him a beating from Sakura, Ino, and Tenten. Then Lee got into a fight with Neji on who was the better fighter. To put it short, both of them ended up going unconscious for a few hours only to wake up with massive headaches.

Good news was, Asuma proposed to Kurenai under the mistletoe and then announced their engagement to everyone. Granny Tsunade knew that those two were going to get together sometime soon, so when she heard the news of the engagement she cracked open her special bottle of saki in celebration and allowed everyone to have some. Temari and Shikamaru finally told and announced to everyone that they were going out officially.

The Christmas turned out to be fairly well. It had its slip ups but what family and friends gathering ever had a perfect get-together? But not to far from them, the fraternity at Konoha's University, called Akatsuki, were celebrating Christmas themselves. But theirs was filled with plotting and fighting. The leader, Pein, silenced them for their foolish fighting, but one among them, a mysterious man named Tobi, awaited for night fall before he made his strike against their leader. He had been tired of the harassment and disrespect from him. So he was going to show Pein what he deserved.

The lights went out for the night. The family and friends gathered at Granny Tsunade's house rested in peace, after having a very Merry Christmas. While, the Akatsuki, the fun was just getting started and soon everyone was going to be considered fugitives and were going to steal, kill, and hide to survive. Just, because one person killed their leader. Christmas for them turned out to be one of the most Merry Fucking Christmas' ever.


End file.
